In my Fashion Society and Culture Class, we have been trying to figure out the root to why people in society today are more open about bearing their skin. It seems as though we are moving to accept bodies as objects.
My thinking: our generation today is highly influenced by technology. We are fixated on the idea of ‘instant gratification.’ Since we are highly driven by the internet, pornographic images is what is making our culture more willing to objectify themselves to get a temporary high. If not themselves, then the fantasy of having someone in their mind. The idea of sex has become a complete exploitation in that as a society we are so reliant in knowing that sex sells merchandise or products.
I am not perfect and I have done my share of getting trapped into this fixation. It is a very lonely place. I found an interesting article in which illustrates the ‘Negative Effects of Porn.’ http://theresurgence.com/2011/11/19/7-negative-effects-of-porn
I know it’s a touchy and awkward subject but I am curious to know what you guys think!
I think I just purchased what could quite possibly be the best Christmas album of all time!
It’s true, our past reflects the person we are today. For those who know me, I identify myself as homosexual…you can imagine how difficult the relationship my dad and I had growing up. He immediately judged me and my interests as a kid. I wanted the barbie dolls instead of the nascar trucks, the pink ranger was my combat heroine, and musically I found myself jamming to the spice girls nonstop. I wasn’t sure if there was something wrong with me but by the way I was treated as a child I didn’t fit in. It was hurtful to hear all the boys in my class call me “faggot” or tease me because I was wearing a Mickey Mouse jacket that had tones of pink on the back because it was considered “feminine.”
Growing up, I felt as though I did not receive the right support from my father. I am not the one to point fingers but my dad was the traditional father who showed most of his attention to my brother. I admired my brother for being so involved with every kind of sport; basketball, volleyball, football, tae kwon do..you name it. I, on the hand, wanted to do gymnastics but never got that opportunity to do it because my dad did not accept it as a sport for a ‘man.’ I was jealous and living in my brother’s shadow. I felt ashamed of myself because I did not conform to any group in society. It was not until I found comfort in God. I was a constant church-goer and even discerned about being a priest. It was one of the hardest and most happiest parts of my life. I realized part of the reason I wanted to get into ministry was to hide from being homosexual. At that point I needed to stop suppressing myself.
I came out after high school. The very first person was my brother. I’ve always had a rocky relationship with my brother and I encountered my brother in tears after telling him. He blamed himself and I reassured him it was NOT his fault. The relationship I had with my dad was a constant sinking ship. It sunk when I came out to him. It was clear he was in denial and did not want to accept me for what I realized about myself. That entire year was emotionally draining because that was when my parents divorced. And I must say, it is hard to experience that while you are a young adult because all you want is for your parents to be happy. I found myself stuck in the middle until my Dad left my mom and I. I attempted to the son and the father figure for my mother. I found myself overworked. I had two jobs to help support my mom and I, I went to school, and drove my mom to and back from work. I accumulated so much anger and resentment toward my father. It was clear that I needed to catch a break.
A few months after I noticed a guy was interested in me. So i focused my attention on a new infatuation. Little did I know that it was an absolute destructive relationship. Within the span of 4 months being with him I was having many panic attacks. He was verbally abusive and I found myself suppressing myself yet again. After all the events that occurred the past two years I couldn’t fathom anymore issues. I resorted to wanting to commit suicide on April 16, 2010. Thankfully, I am still here and I am honestly blessed to still be living
Today, I phone called my father. I was not on speaking terms with him because he missed my birthday in addition to missing my brother’s dinner celebration for his promotion. I felt a hinderance in my heart to try and make things right with my Dad. So I called him to make peace. I found myself in tears realizing I did not have a solid father figure or even a manly figure in my life. This manifests how I latched onto the guys I have dated in the past in that I never had that manly support system. After pressing the ‘end’ key I felt more at ease. I guess i wanted to write this to share my story. Whether you resonate with me being homosexual, having mental or physical issues, encountered or encountering a divorce, or spiritually/religiously obstructed…it is okay to find comfort in love. There is not a perfect person out there but rather it is okay to rise above our adversities. I am in a constant battle with trying to find comfort in loving myself and others around me. Of course, we become stronger from our past experiences but I guarantee that when you come to terms with yourself everything will all make sense and fall into place. Appreciate your loved ones and hold them dear for all we know nothing is promised.
Halloween October 2013
This has been my song on repeat for a while. I like the candles lit and I like to relax and drift away in slumber as this is playing.